Here are some really funny
quotes... all of which have been submitted by you, the readers. if you have a
funny quote write it in the box and don't forget to say who it's from or you
wont get any credit for your quote... also if it's from a tv or movie, say what
movie or t.v show its from. have fun
| Quote |
Who submitted it? |
Where's it from? |
Date
posted |
| When a person's as
crazy as you, do you know you're crazy? I mean, when you're sitting around
reading Gun's & Ammo, masturbating in your own feces, do you stop and think
"Wow, I can't believe how fucking insane I am". - Detective Mills |
Sin Ogaris |
Se7en - Detective Mills |
08/02/04 |
| Nowadays when you want
someone to listen you can't just tap them on the shoulder any more, you have
to hit them with a sledgehammer. Then you know you've got their full
attention. - John Doe |
Sin Ogaris |
Se7en - John Doe |
08/02/04 |
| Simpson-Homer Simpson,
he's the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, he's about
to hit a chestnut tree....D'oh!" (sung to the air of Flintstones theme song) |
Devil's Punk |
Simpsons - Homer |
08/02/04 |
| What do we need a
psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. |
Devil's Punk |
Simpsons - Homer |
08/02/04 |
| What's the point of
going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway? |
Devil's Punk |
Simpsons - Homer |
08/02/04 |
| Yeah Moe that team sure
did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before,
but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! |
Devil's Punk |
Simpsons - Homer |
08/02/04 |
| Adulthood. Every child
wants it. Every adult regrets it. Every old person treasures it. |
Delilah Noosen |
Jennifer Skelton |
04/02/04 |
Sin Ogaris: you could
be a bouncer at the Globe or Liquid
Jigarbov: no i couldn't
Jigarbov: i don't think they would want people that would look like they
would lose a fight to nikky webster |
Sin Ogaris |
an AIM convo between me
and Jig |
30/11/03 |
| Im not a god loving
man...but SUPERMAN PLEASE SAVE ME |
Low Rider |
Simpsons (Homer) |
30/11/03 |
Me: "Milkshakes aren't
quite the same after you freeze them."
Greg: "That's cause they separate, isn't it?"
Me: "Separate into what? Milk and shake?"
Greg: "... shut up."
Me: "Does the shake rise to the top or sink to the bottom?"
Greg: "Come over here so I can stab you." |
Sin Ogaris |
True Mike |
30/11/03 |
| Dont interupt ur enemie
when he is making a mistake |
Maca |
unknown |
30/11/03 |
| Ontarians unite.
Dyslexics untie |
Sin Ogaris |
Tyrant (talking about
how all the people from HoG who live in the Ontario area should all meet up) |
30/11/03 |
Slaterson-are u cool
man
Kid-like how man
Slaterson-hahaha like how, youur funi |
Low Rider |
Dazed and confused |
30/11/03 |
| "Thats what they all
say... they all say D'oh" |
Helix |
Simpsons (Chief Wiggum) |
18/10/03 |
Audience participation
time in Boston, justin brings a guy & a girl on stage, he says... Justin:
Okay man, you have to show the entire crowd your boobies. So the Guy shows
the crowd his chest.
(to the girl) Justin: You don't have to show your boobies though...
(girl looks relieved...)
Justin: You have to show your titties!! |
Sin Ogaris |
Zebrahead shows |
18/10/03 |
A couple songs later
Justin turns to Ali and...
Justin: Hey tell them about this new song and why you wrote it.
Ali: Well this song was originally about the time I was dating Ed's mom. It
went on for like 2 years.
Justin: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Miss Eunice we call her.
Ali: She's really, really hot though. I'm sorry Ed. |
Sin Ogaris |
Zebrahead shows |
18/10/03 |
Right before they play
Playmate of the Year Justin asks the crowd:
Justin: Would any girls like to get up on stage and dance naked to this next
song?
Ali: he said NAKED.
Justin: Topless. Alright we'll take topless.
Ali: Topless.
(A rather upset looking suit from the radio station runs out and alerts the
boys that it's an all-ages show.) Justin: Alright...Alright...nevermind
then. |
Sin Ogaris |
Zebrahead shows |
18/10/03 |
Justin said something
like, "You see this tee-shirt? This tee-shirt is going to the hottest gal
whose my age who shows the most titty." - then there was about 30 seconds of
crowd cheering and boob flashing and random comments from the band.
Afterwards, Ali goes "No hey man, this is an all ages show! We can't do
this! ATTENTION: Girls of all ages shall expose their titties" |
Sin Ogaris |
Zebrahead shows |
18/10/03 |
There's a lesson to be
learned here...
It's better to watch stuff than to do stuff. |
Delgatto |
The Simpsons - Homer |
11/10/03 |
| its called a day spa,
not week, "d-a-i-y-e" |
blue steel |
zoolander - where else
:) |
11/10/03 |
| i'm sorry did my pin
get in the way of your ass, do me a favour and lose ten pounds now or get
out.. GET OUT |
blue steel |
zoolander - where else
:) |
11/10/03 |
| tod u know that froth
makes me farty and bloated |
blue steel |
zoolander - where else
:) |
11/10/03 |
| just because we have
chiselled abs and high cheek bones doesn't mean that we too can't not die in
a freak gasoline fight accident |
blue steel |
zoolander - where else
:) |
11/10/03 |
| La Trobe University
Business degrees, please take one |
WesHead |
the toilet roll
despenser in the toilets |
11/10/03 |
| There's a very good
reason why what you do is called 'trouble- shooting'. They cause you
troubles, and you want to shoot them. |
Corruption |
Midnight |
26/09/03 |
| Computer games and
movies don't affect kids, I mean if PacMan or Tron affected us as kids, we'd
all run around in a darkened room munching pills, listening to repetitive
music and holding glow sticks. |
Corruption |
Alex |
26/09/03 |
| You're ankles are fat |
Corruption |
Corruption to conceited
girls |
26/09/03 |
| The Masonic version is
'Happy to meet, sorry to part, happy to meet again.' The warped Wiccan
version is 'merry meet, merry part, merry meet again' which makes me want to
hit their perpetually merry little merry faces with a merry brick. |
Corruption |
Cavalorn |
26/09/03 |
| Crush your enemies, See
them driven before you and hear the lamentation of the women |
Corruption |
Conan |
26/09/03 |
[lumberjack] I dress in
women's clothing, suspenders and a bra! I wish I was a girlie, just like my
dear papa!
[backup] He dresses in women's clothing, suspe- .... **walk off disgusted** |
Dragonyosh |
And Now For Something
Completely Different - Monty Python |
4/07/03 |
| hey guys, You know that
felling you get when you shave your balls? Doesen't it make you fell sexy?
The chicks love it? |
WesHead |
Michael Olsen |
14/06/03 |
| BATESY, he's so cool,
BATESY!!! |
WesHead |
Michael Olsen |
14/06/03 |
| Do I know you from
somewhere? oh thats right you used to be my friend at highschool |
WesHead |
Michael Olsen |
14/06/03 |
| when I'm gone, dont
fart on my pillow |
WesHead |
Wes to Chris Arnott |
14/06/03 |
| its fagget, not faggot,
ok you fagget |
WesHead |
Grants Diary |
14/06/03 |
| What is better, 2 18
year olds, or 18 2 year olds? |
WesHead |
Tim Berkel |
14/06/03 |
| if u had a shit fight,
would you shit in your hand and then throw it, or would you like accumulate
shit in a bucket over a week and then have a fight? |
WesHead |
Darrin Carter and
Physics class |
14/06/03 |
| Remember, it doesn't
matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. |
Kate |
i dunno.... |
4/06/03 |
| Only Irish coffee
provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol,
caffeine, sugar and fat. |
Kate |
Alex Levine |
4/06/03 |
| Money can't buy you
happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. |
|
Spike Milligan |
4/06/03 |
| There's no such thing
as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the
boogeyman or Michael Jackson. |
Kate |
The Simpsons |
4/06/03 |
| I like people. They're
like happy meals with legs. |
Kate |
Buffy |
4/06/03 |
Does this sweater make
me look fat?
NO, THE FACT THAT YOU'RE FAT MAKES YOU LOOK FAT, THE SWAETER JUST MAKES YOU
LOOK PURPLE. |
Kate |
Buffy |
4/06/03 |
| ... |
Sin
Ogaris |
95% of console RPG
protagonists |
23/05/03 |
| fuck budhda; live life |
Shade |
www.whywerun.com |
11/05/03 |
___
|* *|
|_-_|
Kirby with his stone ability! |
Sin Ogaris |
It's Kirby |
07/05/03 |
<(*.*)>|--
Kirby with what I guess you could call a sword! :/ |
Sin Ogaris |
It's Kirby |
07/05/03 |
(>*.*)>-)
Kirby with his umbrella weapon! |
Sin Ogaris |
It's Kirby |
07/05/03 |
<(*.*)> (>*.*)> <(*.*)>
<(*.*<) <(*.*)>
Kirby dancing! |
Sin Ogaris |
It's Kirby |
07/05/03 |
| To the insane the
normal are crazy. |
Unknown C |
No-where in particular |
07/05/03 |
| I'm
sick of being a wanna-be league bowler... I wanna be a league bowler |
TAG
Computing |
The
Simpsons - Homer |
06/05/03 |
| Bam Margera: Hey, I
just punched myself in the face for you and you're not going to pick me? |
Sin
Ogaris |
Tony
Hawk Pro Skater 4 |
06/05/03 |
Hot Chick: Hey baby,
pick me and maybe later I can buy you some cotton candy...
Because you have no job and you sit around at home playing video games. |
Sin
Ogaris |
Tony
Hawk Pro Skater 4 |
06/05/03 |
JIGGLY!!!!!
*puffs up* |
Sin
Ogaris |
Sin
Ogaris when msn pisses him off |
06/05/03 |
You know, this American
beer is a little like making love in a canoe.
Making love in a canoe?
Yeah, fucking close to water. |
Sin
Ogaris |
Monty Python |
06/05/03 |
| *sung* I've got two
legs from my hips to the ground and when I lift 'em they walk around and
when I lift 'em they climb the stairs and when I shave 'em they ain't got
hairs! |
Sin
Ogaris |
Monty Python |
06/05/03 |
| Vamos a patear traseros
y romper pelucas! |
Botabot |
M&B2 |
05/05/03 |
Fox: I've got you
exactly where I want you!
Rabbit: What? 40 feet up in a tree with no way to get to me. |
Katrina |
Don't Eat the Neighbours |
31/01/03 |
| Please loose the Action
the one liners. they cheapen the experience for me |
Katrina |
Don't Eat the Neighbours |
31/01/03 |
| Magnificent trees,
aren't they Mum? |
Shade |
Gnomey |
20/01/03 |
| u do realise that when
i tell me it, unless it is extremely funny, i wont find it funny. |
Shade |
Bonnie (slightly confusing herself) |
13/12/2002 |
| If the
bible has taught us anything, which it hasn’t, it’s that girls should stick
to girly sports. Such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing and so on. |
TAG
Computing |
The
Simpsons - Homer |
10/12/2002 |
| I
know you can read my thoughts boy... meow meow meow meow meow meow |
TAG
Computing |
The
Simpsons - Homer |
10/12/2002 |
me- mum can u turn up
dat tv i cant hear it
mum- just wait i will turn the lights off then it will be quite
me- WHAT THE??? |
Tonta |
Tonta's mum |
23/11/2002 |
| Giving up smoking is
the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of
times |
Tonta |
Anita |
23/11/2002 |
| When I read about the
evils of drinking, I gave up reading |
Tonta |
Tonta |
23/11/2002 |
| Time is never wasted
when you're wasted all the time |
Tonta |
Tonta |
23/11/2002 |
| You're not drunk if you
can lie on the floor without holding on |
Tonta |
Tonta |
23/11/2002 |
| I would never do
crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay? |
Tonta |
Tonta |
23/11/2002 |
| Early to rise and early
to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead |
Tonta |
Tonta |
23/11/2002 |
| He had decided to live forever or die in the
attempt |
Tonta |
Tonta |
23/11/2002 |
| Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone
I love |
Tonta |
Tonta |
23/11/2002 |
| My mother was like a sister to me, only we
didn't have sex quite so often |
Tonta |
Tonta |
23/11/2002 |
| We had gay burglars the other night. They broke
in and rearranged the furniture |
Tonta |
Tonta |
23/11/2002 |
| What’s the definition
of ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care! |
Kate |
Monty Python |
19/11/2002 |
| 11th commandment - Thou
shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator |
Kate |
Monty Python |
19/11/2002 |
| My opinions may have
changed, but not the fact that I am right. |
Kate |
Monty Python |
19/11/2002 |
K.A : Look you stupid
bastard you’ve got no arms left !
B.K : Yes I have.
K.A : Look !
B.K : Its just a flesh wound. |
Kate |
Monty Python |
19/11/2002 |
| It's just the vibe. |
Unknown |
The Castle |
19/11/2002 |
This is great, dear.
What is it?
Icecream.
But it's what you've done with it.
Scooped it out of the punnet. |
Unknown |
The Castle |
19/11/2002 |
| Dad, I dug a hole......
and it's filling with water. |
Unknown |
The Castle |
19/11/2002 |
| Dale dug a hole. |
Unknown |
The Castle |
19/11/2002 |
| Hello Super Nintendo Charmers |
TAG
Computing |
The
Simpsons, Ralph |
19/11/2002 |
Worm: 'ullo
Sarah: did you just say hello?
Worm: Nooo. I said 'ullo, but that's close enough. |
TAG
Computing |
Labyrinth, Sarah and Worm |
19/11/2002 |
NO, NO....
That was a... a kind of a natural joke...
I'm organically funny! |
Shade |
Gatesy from Tripod |
19/11/2002 |
| This is fun i like
having a hole! |
Melody |
don't even ask |
17/11/2002 |
| My mouth can move
faster than my fingers :S |
Melody |
i said it all right, it
was me! |
17/11/2002 |
| i'm
the kinda person who's prone to getting hit by strangers |
Melody |
from me |
17/11/2002 |
| that's totally sneaky
and double crossing to do that toa friend ...but i'll do it if u want |
Melody |
Bianca - funny gal that
1 - pure evil! |
17/11/2002 |
| i'm gonna something
totally unpredictable that no-one will suspect...i'm
gonna jump in the swamp! |
Melody |
Rebekah, crazy swamp
wading girl |
17/11/2002 |
| I
know that you believe and understand what you think i said but i am not sure
that you realised what you heard is not what i meant |
TAG
Computing |
Elizabeth |
17/11/2002 |
| Something about a bunch
of guys, alone in the woods, seems kind of gay. |
Sin Ogaris |
The Simpson's - Bart
Simpson |
16/11/2002 |
| In the quiet words of
the Virgin Mary, come again? |
Sin Ogaris |
Brick Top from Snatch |
16/11/2002 |
| I need a shite! |
Sin Ogaris |
Mickey from Snatch |
16/11/2002 |
| I'm not saying you
can't shoot, I know you can't shoot, what I'm saying is that gun in your
trousers would do more damage if you fed it to him. |
Sin Ogaris |
Turkish from Snatch |
16/11/2002 |
| WOAH!!!! Ok, now you've
lost it, you're firing a gun at your imaginary friend, next to a van filled
with Nitro Glycerin!!!! |
Sin Ogaris |
Fight Club |
16/11/2002 |
The gun isn't in your
hand, it's in my hand...
Not my head, our heads. |
Sin Ogaris |
Fight Club |
16/11/2002 |
| I thought you said he
was a getaway driver, what the fuck can he get away from. |
Sin Ogaris |
Snatch |
16/11/2002 |
Tony's Hitman - Ok, the
Double Jeopardy answer is... who whacked three very dapper Italian men,
whilst they were about the business of their esteemed employer, I'll even
help you out in case you don't watch game shows. Who is...
Spawn: About to take your head off? |
Sin Ogaris |
Spawn Animated Series |
16/11/2002 |
| Despite the high cost
of living, it remains popular. |
Brooksey |
Unknown |
12/11/2002 |
| Shouldn't that be i am
current? |
Shade |
Carlee in Physics |
12/11/2002 |
| Cornflux |
Shade |
Brooksey in Physics |
12/11/2002 |
| Hey guys, guess what...
i took my shoes off |
Shade |
Webster at Physics exam |
12/11/2002 |
"Would you like lettuce
and mayonnaise or coleslaw with that?"
"um...ok." |
Shade |
Tim at Charcoal Chicken |
11/11/2002 |
| cats blink when u hit
them with sledge hammers |
Shade |
George Carlin |
9/11/2002 |
| fuck soccer moms |
Shade |
some guy |
9/11/2002 |
| It takes
a hell of a lot of chickens to pull a plough |
Shade |
Some footballer in the
newspaper |
9/11/2002 |
*middle puberty
breaking voice*
My girlfriend...... uh, I mean, my sister.. |
Brooksey |
Duncan |
9/11/2002 |
| If you fall and break
both of your legs don't come running back to me!! |
Brooksey |
That persons mum |
8/11/2002 |
| Some times its
appropriate to kill a fly with a sledge hammer |
The Stump of all Stumps |
S.A.S. |
8/11/2002 |
Homer : Son, let me
tell you a story. When I was a boy I wanted a catcher's mitt, but my father
wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and hit my
head on the coffee table. (cheerily) The doctor thought I might have brain
damage!
Bart : Dad, is there a point to this story?
Homer : I like stories. |
Stay away from that
trapdoooooor. |
Simpson's - Homer and
Bart |
8/11/2002 |
| "I farted once on the
set of Blue Lagoon" ....................................................
*slap* |
TAG Computing |
Southpark Movie -
Brooke Shields |
7/11/2002 |
| Who are you?, no the
real Questions is Who Are You? |
God's Other Mate, Bob |
God's Mate Bill |
6/11/2002 |
| Looks like she fell
out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down! |
Whit |
A guy looking at a ugly
chick |
6/11/2002 |
| 'why put homework off
when u can wing it? |
Huffchowski the Russian |
NEWTON |
6/11/2002 |
| hey i know tim, hes a
top kid, bit rough around the edges, but i got plenty of time for him... |
Huffchowski the Russian |
A Yeti |
6/11/2002 |
| why do it now when u
can put it off? |
Huffchowski the Russian |
NEWTON |
6/11/2002 |
| Don't you look at me in
that tone of voice! |
Sin Ogaris |
Sin Ogaris's Mum |
6/11/2002 |
| If we were going any
slower we'd be going backwards |
Sin Ogaris |
Sin Ogaris's Mum |
6/11/2002 |
| And of course, Cheese! |
Sin Ogaris |
The Orbotron |
6/11/2002 |
| oooh! They have internet on
computers now |
Sock Puppet |
Simpson's - Homer Simpson |
6/11/2002 |
| Tim is lame |
Chris Arnott |
Chris Arnott |
5/11/2002 |
| Well spank my arse and call me
Charlie! |
Sock Puppet |
Southpark - Mr. Garrison |
5/11/2002 |
| Chorus: "Hens love roosters, geese
love ganders, everyone else loves Ned Flanders!" Homer: "Not me." Chorus:
"Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!" |
Wilma Flintstone |
Simpson's - Chorus and Homer Simpson |
4/11/2002 |
| Save me from the wee turtles! They
were too quick for me! |
Wilma Flintstone |
Simpsons - Willy |
4/11/2002 |
| Oh I'll stay away from your son
alright. Stay away forever!...Oh wait. That's no good...Oh wait! I've got a
good one! Marge, could you say 'Stay away from my son' again |
Wilma Flintstone |
Simpsons - Sideshow Bob |
4/11/2002 |
| Hey Terrance, that fart sounds like
a ringing phone. Hey wait it is the phone. |
Sock Puppet |
South Park (Terrance and Phillip) |
4/11/2002 |
| I'm not a nerd. Nerds are smart! |
Sock Puppet |
The Simpsons |
4/11/2002 |
| The fingers you have used to dial
are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad now. |
TAG Computing |
Simpsons: when Homer tries to use
the telephone. |
4/11/2002 |
| If your feeling good, don't worry,
you'll get over it. |
TAG Computing |
Murphy's law |
4/11/2002 |
| Never play leap-frog with a unicorn |
TAG Computing |
Murphy's Law |
4/11/2002 |
