(Submit a Quote)

Here are some really funny quotes... all of which have been submitted by you, the readers. if you have a funny quote write it in the box and don't forget to say who it's from or you wont get any credit for your quote... also if it's from a tv or movie, say what movie or t.v show its from. have fun

Quote	Who submitted it?	Where's it from?	Date posted
When a person's as crazy as you, do you know you're crazy? I mean, when you're sitting around reading Gun's & Ammo, masturbating in your own feces, do you stop and think "Wow, I can't believe how fucking insane I am". - Detective Mills	Sin Ogaris	Se7en - Detective Mills	08/02/04
Nowadays when you want someone to listen you can't just tap them on the shoulder any more, you have to hit them with a sledgehammer. Then you know you've got their full attention. - John Doe	Sin Ogaris	Se7en - John Doe	08/02/04
Simpson-Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree....D'oh!" (sung to the air of Flintstones theme song)	Devil's Punk	Simpsons - Homer	08/02/04
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.	Devil's Punk	Simpsons - Homer	08/02/04
What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway?	Devil's Punk	Simpsons - Homer	08/02/04
Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!	Devil's Punk	Simpsons - Homer	08/02/04
Adulthood. Every child wants it. Every adult regrets it. Every old person treasures it.	Delilah Noosen	Jennifer Skelton	04/02/04
Sin Ogaris: you could be a bouncer at the Globe or Liquid Jigarbov: no i couldn't Jigarbov: i don't think they would want people that would look like they would lose a fight to nikky webster	Sin Ogaris	an AIM convo between me and Jig	30/11/03
Im not a god loving man...but SUPERMAN PLEASE SAVE ME	Low Rider	Simpsons (Homer)	30/11/03
Me: "Milkshakes aren't quite the same after you freeze them." Greg: "That's cause they separate, isn't it?" Me: "Separate into what? Milk and shake?" Greg: "... shut up." Me: "Does the shake rise to the top or sink to the bottom?" Greg: "Come over here so I can stab you."	Sin Ogaris	True Mike	30/11/03
Dont interupt ur enemie when he is making a mistake	Maca	unknown	30/11/03
Ontarians unite. Dyslexics untie	Sin Ogaris	Tyrant (talking about how all the people from HoG who live in the Ontario area should all meet up)	30/11/03
Slaterson-are u cool man Kid-like how man Slaterson-hahaha like how, youur funi	Low Rider	Dazed and confused	30/11/03
"Thats what they all say... they all say D'oh"	Helix	Simpsons (Chief Wiggum)	18/10/03
Audience participation time in Boston, justin brings a guy & a girl on stage, he says... Justin: Okay man, you have to show the entire crowd your boobies. So the Guy shows the crowd his chest. (to the girl) Justin: You don't have to show your boobies though... (girl looks relieved...) Justin: You have to show your titties!!	Sin Ogaris	Zebrahead shows	18/10/03
A couple songs later Justin turns to Ali and... Justin: Hey tell them about this new song and why you wrote it. Ali: Well this song was originally about the time I was dating Ed's mom. It went on for like 2 years. Justin: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Miss Eunice we call her. Ali: She's really, really hot though. I'm sorry Ed.	Sin Ogaris	Zebrahead shows	18/10/03
Right before they play Playmate of the Year Justin asks the crowd: Justin: Would any girls like to get up on stage and dance naked to this next song? Ali: he said NAKED. Justin: Topless. Alright we'll take topless. Ali: Topless. (A rather upset looking suit from the radio station runs out and alerts the boys that it's an all-ages show.) Justin: Alright...Alright...nevermind then.	Sin Ogaris	Zebrahead shows	18/10/03
Justin said something like, "You see this tee-shirt? This tee-shirt is going to the hottest gal whose my age who shows the most titty." - then there was about 30 seconds of crowd cheering and boob flashing and random comments from the band. Afterwards, Ali goes "No hey man, this is an all ages show! We can't do this! ATTENTION: Girls of all ages shall expose their titties"	Sin Ogaris	Zebrahead shows	18/10/03
There's a lesson to be learned here... It's better to watch stuff than to do stuff.	Delgatto	The Simpsons - Homer	11/10/03
its called a day spa, not week, "d-a-i-y-e"	blue steel	zoolander - where else :)	11/10/03
i'm sorry did my pin get in the way of your ass, do me a favour and lose ten pounds now or get out.. GET OUT	blue steel	zoolander - where else :)	11/10/03
tod u know that froth makes me farty and bloated	blue steel	zoolander - where else :)	11/10/03
just because we have chiselled abs and high cheek bones doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident	blue steel	zoolander - where else :)	11/10/03
La Trobe University Business degrees, please take one	WesHead	the toilet roll despenser in the toilets	11/10/03
There's a very good reason why what you do is called 'trouble- shooting'. They cause you troubles, and you want to shoot them.	Corruption	Midnight	26/09/03
Computer games and movies don't affect kids, I mean if PacMan or Tron affected us as kids, we'd all run around in a darkened room munching pills, listening to repetitive music and holding glow sticks.	Corruption	Alex	26/09/03
You're ankles are fat	Corruption	Corruption to conceited girls	26/09/03
The Masonic version is 'Happy to meet, sorry to part, happy to meet again.' The warped Wiccan version is 'merry meet, merry part, merry meet again' which makes me want to hit their perpetually merry little merry faces with a merry brick.	Corruption	Cavalorn	26/09/03
Crush your enemies, See them driven before you and hear the lamentation of the women	Corruption	Conan	26/09/03
[lumberjack] I dress in women's clothing, suspenders and a bra! I wish I was a girlie, just like my dear papa! [backup] He dresses in women's clothing, suspe- .... **walk off disgusted**	Dragonyosh	And Now For Something Completely Different - Monty Python	4/07/03
hey guys, You know that felling you get when you shave your balls? Doesen't it make you fell sexy? The chicks love it?	WesHead	Michael Olsen	14/06/03
BATESY, he's so cool, BATESY!!!	WesHead	Michael Olsen	14/06/03
Do I know you from somewhere? oh thats right you used to be my friend at highschool	WesHead	Michael Olsen	14/06/03
when I'm gone, dont fart on my pillow	WesHead	Wes to Chris Arnott	14/06/03
its fagget, not faggot, ok you fagget	WesHead	Grants Diary	14/06/03
What is better, 2 18 year olds, or 18 2 year olds?	WesHead	Tim Berkel	14/06/03
if u had a shit fight, would you shit in your hand and then throw it, or would you like accumulate shit in a bucket over a week and then have a fight?	WesHead	Darrin Carter and Physics class	14/06/03
Remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.	Kate	i dunno....	4/06/03
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.	Kate	Alex Levine	4/06/03
Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.		Spike Milligan	4/06/03
There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.	Kate	The Simpsons	4/06/03
I like people. They're like happy meals with legs.	Kate	Buffy	4/06/03
Does this sweater make me look fat? NO, THE FACT THAT YOU'RE FAT MAKES YOU LOOK FAT, THE SWAETER JUST MAKES YOU LOOK PURPLE.	Kate	Buffy	4/06/03
...	Sin Ogaris	95% of console RPG protagonists	23/05/03
fuck budhda; live life	Shade	www.whywerun.com	11/05/03
___ |* *| |_-_| Kirby with his stone ability!	Sin Ogaris	It's Kirby	07/05/03
<(*.*)>|-- Kirby with what I guess you could call a sword! :/	Sin Ogaris	It's Kirby	07/05/03
(>*.*)>-) Kirby with his umbrella weapon!	Sin Ogaris	It's Kirby	07/05/03
<(*.*)> (>*.*)> <(*.*)> <(*.*<) <(*.*)> Kirby dancing!	Sin Ogaris	It's Kirby	07/05/03
To the insane the normal are crazy.	Unknown C	No-where in particular	07/05/03
I'm sick of being a wanna-be league bowler... I wanna be a league bowler	TAG Computing	The Simpsons - Homer	06/05/03
Bam Margera: Hey, I just punched myself in the face for you and you're not going to pick me?	Sin Ogaris	Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4	06/05/03
Hot Chick: Hey baby, pick me and maybe later I can buy you some cotton candy... Because you have no job and you sit around at home playing video games.	Sin Ogaris	Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4	06/05/03
JIGGLY!!!!! *puffs up*	Sin Ogaris	Sin Ogaris when msn pisses him off	06/05/03
You know, this American beer is a little like making love in a canoe. Making love in a canoe? Yeah, fucking close to water.	Sin Ogaris	Monty Python	06/05/03
*sung* I've got two legs from my hips to the ground and when I lift 'em they walk around and when I lift 'em they climb the stairs and when I shave 'em they ain't got hairs!	Sin Ogaris	Monty Python	06/05/03
Vamos a patear traseros y romper pelucas!	Botabot	M&B2	05/05/03
Fox: I've got you exactly where I want you! Rabbit: What? 40 feet up in a tree with no way to get to me.	Katrina	Don't Eat the Neighbours	31/01/03
Please loose the Action the one liners. they cheapen the experience for me	Katrina	Don't Eat the Neighbours	31/01/03
Magnificent trees, aren't they Mum?	Shade	Gnomey	20/01/03
u do realise that when i tell me it, unless it is extremely funny, i wont find it funny.	Shade	Bonnie (slightly confusing herself)	13/12/2002
If the bible has taught us anything, which it hasn’t, it’s that girls should stick to girly sports. Such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing and so on.	TAG Computing	The Simpsons - Homer	10/12/2002
I know you can read my thoughts boy... meow meow meow meow meow meow	TAG Computing	The Simpsons - Homer	10/12/2002
me- mum can u turn up dat tv i cant hear it mum- just wait i will turn the lights off then it will be quite me- WHAT THE???	Tonta	Tonta's mum	23/11/2002
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times	Tonta	Anita	23/11/2002
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading	Tonta	Tonta	23/11/2002
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time	Tonta	Tonta	23/11/2002
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on	Tonta	Tonta	23/11/2002
I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?	Tonta	Tonta	23/11/2002
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead	Tonta	Tonta	23/11/2002
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt	Tonta	Tonta	23/11/2002
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love	Tonta	Tonta	23/11/2002
My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often	Tonta	Tonta	23/11/2002
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture	Tonta	Tonta	23/11/2002
What’s the definition of ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care!	Kate	Monty Python	19/11/2002
11th commandment - Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator	Kate	Monty Python	19/11/2002
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.	Kate	Monty Python	19/11/2002
K.A : Look you stupid bastard you’ve got no arms left ! B.K : Yes I have. K.A : Look ! B.K : Its just a flesh wound.	Kate	Monty Python	19/11/2002
It's just the vibe.	Unknown	The Castle	19/11/2002
This is great, dear. What is it? Icecream. But it's what you've done with it. Scooped it out of the punnet.	Unknown	The Castle	19/11/2002
Dad, I dug a hole...... and it's filling with water.	Unknown	The Castle	19/11/2002
Dale dug a hole.	Unknown	The Castle	19/11/2002
Hello Super Nintendo Charmers	TAG Computing	The Simpsons, Ralph	19/11/2002
Worm: 'ullo Sarah: did you just say hello? Worm: Nooo. I said 'ullo, but that's close enough.	TAG Computing	Labyrinth, Sarah and Worm	19/11/2002
NO, NO.... That was a... a kind of a natural joke... I'm organically funny!	Shade	Gatesy from Tripod	19/11/2002
This is fun i like having a hole!	Melody	don't even ask	17/11/2002
My mouth can move faster than my fingers :S	Melody	i said it all right, it was me!	17/11/2002
i'm the kinda person who's prone to getting hit by strangers	Melody	from me	17/11/2002
that's totally sneaky and double crossing to do that toa friend ...but i'll do it if u want	Melody	Bianca - funny gal that 1 - pure evil!	17/11/2002
i'm gonna something totally unpredictable that no-one will suspect...i'm gonna jump in the swamp!	Melody	Rebekah, crazy swamp wading girl	17/11/2002
I know that you believe and understand what you think i said but i am not sure that you realised what you heard is not what i meant	TAG Computing	Elizabeth	17/11/2002
Something about a bunch of guys, alone in the woods, seems kind of gay.	Sin Ogaris	The Simpson's - Bart Simpson	16/11/2002
In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary, come again?	Sin Ogaris	Brick Top from Snatch	16/11/2002
I need a shite!	Sin Ogaris	Mickey from Snatch	16/11/2002
I'm not saying you can't shoot, I know you can't shoot, what I'm saying is that gun in your trousers would do more damage if you fed it to him.	Sin Ogaris	Turkish from Snatch	16/11/2002
WOAH!!!! Ok, now you've lost it, you're firing a gun at your imaginary friend, next to a van filled with Nitro Glycerin!!!!	Sin Ogaris	Fight Club	16/11/2002
The gun isn't in your hand, it's in my hand... Not my head, our heads.	Sin Ogaris	Fight Club	16/11/2002
I thought you said he was a getaway driver, what the fuck can he get away from.	Sin Ogaris	Snatch	16/11/2002
Tony's Hitman - Ok, the Double Jeopardy answer is... who whacked three very dapper Italian men, whilst they were about the business of their esteemed employer, I'll even help you out in case you don't watch game shows. Who is... Spawn: About to take your head off?	Sin Ogaris	Spawn Animated Series	16/11/2002
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.	Brooksey	Unknown	12/11/2002
Shouldn't that be i am current?	Shade	Carlee in Physics	12/11/2002
Cornflux	Shade	Brooksey in Physics	12/11/2002
Hey guys, guess what... i took my shoes off	Shade	Webster at Physics exam	12/11/2002
"Would you like lettuce and mayonnaise or coleslaw with that?" "um...ok."	Shade	Tim at Charcoal Chicken	11/11/2002
cats blink when u hit them with sledge hammers	Shade	George Carlin	9/11/2002
fuck soccer moms	Shade	some guy	9/11/2002
It takes a hell of a lot of chickens to pull a plough	Shade	Some footballer in the newspaper	9/11/2002
*middle puberty breaking voice* My girlfriend...... uh, I mean, my sister..	Brooksey	Duncan	9/11/2002
If you fall and break both of your legs don't come running back to me!!	Brooksey	That persons mum	8/11/2002
Some times its appropriate to kill a fly with a sledge hammer	The Stump of all Stumps	S.A.S.	8/11/2002
Homer : Son, let me tell you a story. When I was a boy I wanted a catcher's mitt, but my father wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and hit my head on the coffee table. (cheerily) The doctor thought I might have brain damage! Bart : Dad, is there a point to this story? Homer : I like stories.	Stay away from that trapdoooooor.	Simpson's - Homer and Bart	8/11/2002
"I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon" .................................................... *slap*	TAG Computing	Southpark Movie - Brooke Shields	7/11/2002
Who are you?, no the real Questions is Who Are You?	God's Other Mate, Bob	God's Mate Bill	6/11/2002
Looks like she fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down!	Whit	A guy looking at a ugly chick	6/11/2002
'why put homework off when u can wing it?	Huffchowski the Russian	NEWTON	6/11/2002
hey i know tim, hes a top kid, bit rough around the edges, but i got plenty of time for him...	Huffchowski the Russian	A Yeti	6/11/2002
why do it now when u can put it off?	Huffchowski the Russian	NEWTON	6/11/2002
Don't you look at me in that tone of voice!	Sin Ogaris	Sin Ogaris's Mum	6/11/2002
If we were going any slower we'd be going backwards	Sin Ogaris	Sin Ogaris's Mum	6/11/2002
And of course, Cheese!	Sin Ogaris	The Orbotron	6/11/2002
oooh! They have internet on computers now	Sock Puppet	Simpson's - Homer Simpson	6/11/2002
Tim is lame	Chris Arnott	Chris Arnott	5/11/2002
Well spank my arse and call me Charlie!	Sock Puppet	Southpark - Mr. Garrison	5/11/2002
Chorus: "Hens love roosters, geese love ganders, everyone else loves Ned Flanders!" Homer: "Not me." Chorus: "Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!"	Wilma Flintstone	Simpson's - Chorus and Homer Simpson	4/11/2002
Save me from the wee turtles! They were too quick for me!	Wilma Flintstone	Simpsons - Willy	4/11/2002
Oh I'll stay away from your son alright. Stay away forever!...Oh wait. That's no good...Oh wait! I've got a good one! Marge, could you say 'Stay away from my son' again	Wilma Flintstone	Simpsons - Sideshow Bob	4/11/2002
Hey Terrance, that fart sounds like a ringing phone. Hey wait it is the phone.	Sock Puppet	South Park (Terrance and Phillip)	4/11/2002
I'm not a nerd. Nerds are smart!	Sock Puppet	The Simpsons	4/11/2002
The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad now.	TAG Computing	Simpsons: when Homer tries to use the telephone.	4/11/2002
If your feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.	TAG Computing	Murphy's law	4/11/2002
Never play leap-frog with a unicorn	TAG Computing	Murphy's Law	4/11/2002